I Saw a Father Crying Dr Shabir Choudhry,

 I Saw a Father Crying

Dr Shabir Choudhry, February, London

I saw a father crying. Seeing him in tears brought tears to my own eyes. A man usually cries in private. He only cries in front of others when he is completely broken—when his heart is deeply wounded. This man was known to be brave, steadfast, and self-sacrificing. He was someone who gave others courage and faced challenges head-on. Yet today, he stood helpless.

Whether as a result of coercion or love and affection, once a man and a woman enter into marriage, they become husband and wife. This relationship does not remain confined to just two individuals; it becomes a bond between two families. And every family has its own traditions, interests, and internal politics. More often than not, it is the husband who becomes the “chutney” crushed between these forces.

Without considering the status or circumstances the bride had in her parents’ home, she often wants to rule her in-laws’ house like a sovereign—and treats her husband accordingly, as if God created Eve from Adam’s rib so that she could govern the world.

But the house she wishes to rule already has a ruler: the mother-in-law. Alongside her are “governors” in the form of sisters-in-law, and in some households, one or two “commanders” in the form of elder brothers’ wives. The result is a four-sided war.

And in this war, it is the man who becomes the target of hardship and injustice. Of course, this does not happen in every household.

Whether the husband’s income increases or not, God’s blessings descend upon the home every year in the form of children. The poor husband must work even harder to meet the rising expenses. Ironically, control of the household rests with the wife. She spends more time with the children, loves them, and repeatedly tells them—without fail—whatever suits her narrative, so the children grow up believing that only she loves them and makes sacrifices, while everyone else is merely pretending.

The husband, meanwhile, spends most of his time outside the home trying to meet financial responsibilities. He endures humiliation, criticism, and scolding from countless people. When he finally returns home, the atmosphere resembles a war zone. There is hardly any time left to show affection to his children. Sometimes, when he comes home, the children are already asleep.

Religious leaders constantly frighten people in the name of God. Rarely do they say, “Love God,” although He has bestowed countless blessings and loves His creation more than seventy mothers.

Similarly, when children make mistakes, they are frightened: “Be grateful your father isn’t home—otherwise disaster would strike.” This creates a negative image of the father. In the innocent minds of children, the father becomes someone to be feared, not loved. When he does come home, the children become frightened upon seeing him, sometimes even wishing he would leave again.

A father does not express love the way a mother does—but it must be remembered that he, too, loves his children deeply.

Children grow up in this environment. They do not learn to love what they once feared; only the fear gradually fades. The mother remains close to the children, while the father—despite a lifetime of hard work—fails to earn anyone’s affection. Children may contact their mother countless times a day, while the father waits for a phone call and eventually departs from this world in silence.

It must be noted again: this does not happen in every household.