An Imaginary Interview with Kanjoos Begum.
Love, Silence and the Language of the Heart
Dr Shabir Choudhry
After exchanging greetings and pleasantries, I asked her:
Why do some people call you Kanjoos Begum?
She smiled and replied:
“I use money, water and words thoughtfully and sparingly. In fact, we should be particularly careful about how we use words. A careless word can sometimes create problems that are difficult to resolve.”
A sensible man once remarked:
“You are so economical with words that you are even reluctant to speak, as if it costs some money!”
That is how a few people started teasing me by calling me Kanjoos Begum. But I am not miserly; I simply dislike waste.
Are you married?
Yes, I am.
Was it a love marriage?
In our families, the elders usually make decisions about marriages.
Does that mean you are unhappy with your marriage?
When did I say that? I was simply explaining who made the decision. Happiness and unhappiness are determined by how life unfolds, not merely by how a marriage begins.
What is your husband like?
He is a very good man.
Have you ever been in love with someone?
Yes, I have.
Who is he?
I don't think it is necessary to reveal that.
Are you sad that you could not marry him?
Not at all. Marriage and love are two different things. Besides, when I fell in love, I was already married.
And what about him? Was he married too?
Yes, he was.
Did he ever express his love for you?
Yes, he did.
And did you express yours?
No, I didn't.
Does he know that you love him?
Yes, he does.
If you never expressed your feelings verbally, how does he know about your love?
“True love does not always need words. Language is only one way of expressing feelings. Sometimes silence, one's behaviour, the eyes and genuine concern for another person can communicate far more than words. There is another language for expressing one's deepest feelings, which can only be understood through the eyes of the heart.”
Have you ever met him alone?
Absolutely not.
Has he ever asked you to meet him in private?
Absolutely not.
But people in love often arrange secret meetings. If he really loved you, surely, he would have tried to meet you?
“He loves me, and that is precisely why he has never asked to meet me alone. He does not want my reputation or dignity to be put at risk. Love is not simply about fulfilling one's own desires. Sometimes, caring about another person's dignity, peace of mind and happiness is also an expression of love.
“Love does not necessarily mean possessing someone or demanding their time. Sometimes it means respecting their circumstances, accepting their responsibilities and wishing them well, even when you cannot be together.”
What a remarkable kind of love! Does anyone else know about this relationship?
I don't think anyone knows.
Have you never wished that you could meet him?
Of course I have. But we are both married. We have our own lives and responsibilities. One must consider not only one's own feelings but also the rights and feelings of others.
Does that mean you have accepted that you may never be together?
She paused for a moment before replying:
“Life does not always give us everything we wish for. We cannot demand that every feeling must lead to a particular outcome. Sometimes, it is enough to know that someone genuinely cares about you and wishes you well.”
Have you ever met at all?
We sometimes exchange greetings at family functions or when attending someone's funeral. That is about the extent of our contact.
What do you think the outcome of this love will be?
“God willing, it will have a good outcome. We are sincere well-wishers of each other. We pray for one another and genuinely want both of us to have happy and peaceful lives.”
Have you ever met in your dreams?
She smiled and replied:
“Quite often! We talk to each other in our dreams and even have conversations involving questions and answers. Sometimes it feels as though we are communicating through telepathy. On several occasions, questions that come into my mind during the day seem to receive answers in my dreams at night.”
I was astonished.
Do you genuinely believe that the answers you receive in your dreams come from him?
She smiled and said:
“I am not claiming to have a scientific explanation for it. It is simply my personal experience and feeling. There are things in life that even we ourselves cannot fully understand.”
All this was quite surprising to me. I had expected to be offered a cup of tea during the interview, but instead she served me warm water with honey.
I laughed and said:
“Madam, you have demonstrated your stinginess here as well! At least you could have added a little more honey!”
She smiled and replied:
“Sir, honey should also be used thoughtfully. Adding more of something does not necessarily make it better!”
I drank the honey water, thanked her and left.
On my way back, I kept thinking about our conversation. Was she really a Kanjoos Begum, or was she simply a woman who believed in being economical in every aspect of life—not only with money, water and words, but even with her emotions?
Perhaps she believed that genuine feelings do not always need public display, repeated declarations or physical meetings. Perhaps she also understood that love and responsibility can sometimes exist side by side, even when life does not allow people to follow their hearts.
I was still trying to make sense of it all when one final thought came to mind:
If she is so economical with expressing her love in real life, how does she become so generous with words when they meet in their dreams?
And, of course, I still wonder whether she deliberately used so little honey—or whether that was simply another demonstration of her famous economy!
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